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Lights dimmed,
Tracing constellations on your starmap skin.
Night's chilly embrace forsaken,
To willingly succumb to your own.
Take you in my arms.
Now I can breathe for the both of us,
And count all the stars in your ivory eyes.
Gently lining your silky neck with velvet kisses
As your nails softly claw my back.
Words misplaced and discarded
Somewhere on the floor,
Tossed carelessly aside with warm attire.
Drinking carnal vice and sweat
From off your willowy stomach,
To drown them in my bloodstream;
Veins of rapture and adrenaline.
Chocolate and cinnamon mementos,
While sucking lust from your pores.
Drunken elation/hybrid delusion.
Tasting of your impurities,
Crass and candy-coated,
As you partake of my own
Coarse confectionary.
Savoring the honey of sin's seduction,
As it drips and melts away,
Crude passion and emotion,
Liquid lightning ire, ambrosia;
Bottled and sealed in the night's tempest,
By the vigil of the grim and lonesome clock.
Defying simple logic for a single night.
One and one are one.

Defying simple logic...
©2003-2009 ~phixion
:iconphixion:

Author's Comments

Writing? From me? Imagine that..

The first...and perhaps most awkward in my attempt to conquer all the categories..

Many thanks to for the editing and constructive criticism. I'm very much obliged.

And...as for the rest of this...I'm a tad insecure...so...say what you will..

-runs and hides-

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconallekto:
Blush i think i blew a fuse. this is an incredibly sensual piece of work. you've got absolutely nothing to be nervous about. "Now I can breathe for the both of us..." it's that one line. very impressive. and highly addicting- the mixed imagery of sugar, sex, and "eating"...
------erica lee

--
:coffeemachine: i'll sleep when i'm dead... :coffeecup:
:iconladynyk:
The final draft of this is positively delicious.. it gave me *shivers* to read.. and melted me with its warmth. Congratulations on conquering this category of categories.. this is damn good.

--
Nyk

Check out ~ekg His words weave the mundane into magick..
--------------------------------
Member of ~dark-writing

\"I Tell You: One must still have chaos in one to give birth to a dancing star!\" ~ Nietzsche
:iconladynyk:
Oh, and +favlove

--
Nyk

Check out ~ekg His words weave the mundane into magick..
--------------------------------
Member of ~dark-writing

\"I Tell You: One must still have chaos in one to give birth to a dancing star!\" ~ Nietzsche
:iconrepus:
yesss, this is good; very good... Clap

--
writers bleed words...

freewill
over
fate...

...which do you choose (pick one)
:iconaenim-a:
starmap skin

very nice

it reminds me of marilyn monroe
and edward scissor hands

its classy but still....raunchy
Innocent but still... desired
i love it!


+fav


--
comment, to get comments.
share your kindness, not your hate.
love the art, before yourself.

meditate on this. [link]
:iconnicetry-badluck:
diff' from your usual style but the wording and flow were excellent-
totally enjoyed read- great job..

--
*cheers..
:icon-henrique-:
"While sucking lust from your pores."

ummm...damn man!
this is the most sensorially evocative poem I've read at DA.

--
"People ask for criticism, but they only want praise." -W. Somerset Maugham
:icondefourthson:
I didn't see all the categories, but I may not know what categories you are referring to. It definately was very organized and told the story. Good stuff.
:iconaeshryne:
Great.
Just great.
This piece overflows with imagery of a saccharine, yet spicy seduction. Every movement stood out in my mind. I like. =D (Big Grin)
But as for a critical review:

Drinking carnal vice and sweat
From off your willowy stomach,
To drown them in my bloodstream;


--seems a little... eh. Excellent imagery is being expressed, it's just that the thought of drinking sweat from someone's stomach seems weird to me. You may not have meant it literally, but I feel another verb is needed to lessen the strength of the image portrayed. Just an opinion. ;) (Wink)
Other than that, this is a very...uh... appetizing poem. =D (Big Grin)

--
Art/Writing Critic
Fall Children Magazine Writing Editor
Got Inspiration?</

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January 29, 2003
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